read something today worth noting

Job 28:28
28 And he said to the human race,
“The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,
and to shun evil is understanding.”


Hebrews 12:2
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.


Psalm 46:1
Psalm 46[a] For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to alamoth.[b] A song.
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.


Psalm 46:10
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

"The fear of the Lord- that is wisdom" not the fear of circumstances around us.  "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus", not on the confusion before us.  "God is our refuge and strength."  We will find neither refuge nor strength in faulty human reasoning or in conclusions based on insufficient, misunderstood, circumstantial evidence.  "Be still, and know that I am God,"  We need to withdraw from the uproar and reflect on the one who grants peace.

I must confess that I often waste time and produce anxiety by fixing my attention on troubles, on injustices, on grievances and on pain.  When I think of You, though, and bring these concerns to You in prayer and trust You to guide me, to reassure me, to comfort me, or to strengthen me as You know best, then You replace my turmoil with Your peace.

from Job--Lessons in Comfort, by Frances Poston Bennett

click here for chilis 20 buck giveaway!

on intimacy..

i love my husband. i enjoy him. i love hanging out with him and jackson. walking to the lake and feeding the fish...i love that he comes up with ideas of things we can do together as a family.  i love that he wants to  do a good job leading our family...that it is important to him to be doing things well.  i love watching our shows together..biggest loser, undercover boss, snl, sunday morning, 60 minutes, office..hey, don't judge.  i love that he will usually rub my feet anytime i ask beg.  very rarely does he complain about me and my faults..i wish i could say the same for myself..and he is always really quick to forgive when I have wronged him.

so, why am i so slow to intimacy with him.  most of you who know me well know that i am hardcore never say "no" when it comes to the bedroom affairs...i don't want him to go without anything he needs in that department.  so there is plenty of "you know" happening in that new king sized bed of ours..that is not the issue. the issue that presents itself on my end is..why do i not long for him in that way? why is it a chore for me? another item on my list that needs to be checked off? why do i cringe most nights when he moves closer to me? so my default is to try to come up with things that "if he just did this better..i would be more interested in intimacy"..in my mind there are so many things that he needs to be doing better..but the bottom line is, that the issue isn't him..the issue is me. he is a great hubby...not perfect at all..but i am further from perfection i can assure you.

so why?  (note to readers: that is a hypothetical question not meant to be answered...just needing to get some things down on paper screen.)

feeling the blessing of a healthy baby

Well, today was the day I had been both dreading and looking so forward to...after going from feeling 100% sick to 100% not sick on the first day of week 10..and enduring some pretty annoying cramping every few nights after that, I was 50% sure that our baby was not doing well. (to say it nicely)..but our little one (boy--by my prediction and the dr's speculation) was quite the show-off at his appointment today.  He flipped around, turned and looked at the camera, pulled his cord over his shoulder and put it in his mouth, put his thumb in his mouth, waved at us and pushed on my placenta..he was moving and grooving to say the very least.  We got tons of great pictures!  Thank you God for a healthy, heartbeat today!  I have both grieved his possible death, and am now celebrating his vibrant life all in one month.  Thank you for joining me in prayer for my heart, that I would be less concerned with circumstances and more concerned with having a Godward orientation of my heart.

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

ok so the last post would be incomplete without this one

i was driving home tonight..and have tons of time to think because i have to drive to africa. well only halfway to africa, but still 25 minutes is tons of time. and i was recounting the conversations i had earlier that night..and i heard my voice saying to a friend earlier that evening, "if it is not one thing it is another"...and the Lord used that sentence that i had spoken to nudge me toward His truth.

i think i should be able to find satisfaction in a house, in a friendship, in a pregnancy..in a ____ fill in the blank..and whatever is in the blank makes me crazy as i try to be satisfied. in the case of yesterdays post it was like this..i want to be at peace in this pregnancy, i want a guarantee that everything will be good, or a guarantee that everything will be bad..i want to know..to be in control..i can't know, i can't be in control..it all makes me so unsettled and emotional.

because i am human..and my heart longs for perfection and ultimately heaven..there is nothing that will satisfy it. it is always going to be unsettled..always going to be searching..always going to come up empty.

well, always when it seeks to be filled with anything other than jesus. anything other than His love, His grace, His peace, His strength, and His plan....when He fills it, it won't come up short...it may still feel unsettled or unsatisfied..but it ultimately will never be disappointed. He is always enough..even when His "enough" isn't what I would have thought "enough" to be.. (ie. my worst case scenario, whatever it might be this second..) He will carry me through and will have a greater purpose for His plan than I would have ever dreamed possible.

my life..as a Christ follower..it IS quite a ride. not usually an easy ride, a peaceful ride, or a "safe" ride..but always a ride taking me to a final destination...His arms right now..and His home for an eternity.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

keepin it real

ok, so you want real..here is real. on friday i all of the sudden stopped being sick...i have been really nauseous all along and then BOOM friday (day one of week 10) and i went off meds and am feeling completely fine...yay! praise God! Right? well, not exactly...now i am doubting my pregnancy...

why can't i just enjoy what has been revealed to me...
1. i am pregnant with a healthy baby..the dr said on week 8.6.
2. i am not sick anymore at week 10.
3. i have no other symptoms to make me think i am miscarrying.

instead i have truly convinced myself that this baby is dead. how did I get there? well, i have had friends who have had miscarriages and they stop feeling sick..i have had friends who have had miscarriages and have gone a month without anything abnormal (ie. cramping, bleeding...etc..)

I could go to the doctor and get checked, but i really don't want to..i don't want to know if the baby is dead..i don't want to find out with jack not there (he can't get there in the a.m. when they have openings...and I really want to just trust what has been revealed to me.

you can pray.

some goings and comings in descending order

for my friends who don't do facebook :)

renee' visited!


yo gabba gabba at the fox (we won tickets..be assured :)

fun times at the pumpkin patch

jackson got booed (this thing they do in our new neighborhood where they drop at treat at your door at dark and run..then you have to do it to two other neighbors)

bunko ladies night at the clubhouse in boulder springs

jackson read bible on sofa with blanket (his own set up)

jackson turned two

granddaddy came to visit (my dad)

jackson got his first haircut

preg!

the shot you have all been waiting for (taken 2 weeks ago) (8 week non-baby bump)

thanks for all of your prayers and offers to visit.  I am feeling very cared for by you :) everyday is either really easy or really hard...today, feels normal..which is good :) 

waning

this dark, rainy, thunderstorm is giving me great comfort..it is matching my inside. here is a look:


i just never thought hard when i was thinking of moving to an almost brand new 4br/3.5ba with a rocking chair porch and a pool and sod...with a new super cool fridge..and a new super cool tv..with a really comfy king bed and a shelf system for my shoes...in a neighborhood where jackson can play without being hit by a semi going by the house...i never thought darkness. i never though isolation. never occurred to me that this would be hard. that i would be sad. that life would go from a breeze to an immediate struggle. i feel alone. i feel abandoned. i feel like everything is a year away..and then when people ask me with this knowing smile in their eyes if i am "loving my new house"..i feel ungrateful if i say anything but, "it is a true blessing". because let's face it, friends, it is a blessing from God. it is amazing. it is more than i EVER in a million years thought the Lord would entrust to me and my family. but it is hard in the very same breath. no friends around. i feel bad asking anyone to visit because of the distance they are required to travel. no golden pantry i can walk to when i forgot to grab milk..20 minutes is the closest distance i can drive for friendship or activity. even typing this i feel guilt...i feel like i am being given all of these blessings and i am complaining..like "Lord, I want more.." but really i am just wanting to be real in attempts to remind you, my readers, that no matter what things you have been blessed with..life is meaningless without fellowship, without connections, without Christ.


i was 8 years old and Christmas was coming...i couldn't wait..i knew i was getting a bike because i saw it in the shed with the bows already on it..i couldn't sleep at night for days. Christmas eve came and i laid with my eyes closed all night couldn't sleep, couldn't even relax...then finally the sun broke the horizon and i jumped out of my bed and ran into the living room..there was my bike with 5 pink bows tied around it next to the Christmas tree full of other presents. at the end of that day, when all of the presents had been opened, all of the trash thrown away, and my bike's tire tread worn down from all of the bike riding up and down the street..i layed in bed unfulfilled...sad even.


Ecclesiastes 6


1 I have seen another evil under the sun, and it weighs heavily on men: 2 God gives a man wealth, possessions and honor, so that he lacks nothing his heart desires, but God does not enable him to enjoy them, ...


matt 6:19-20


19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.


praying this in expectation of what the Lord can do.

Psalm 40:1-3 (New International Version)

Psalm 40
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.


1 I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.


2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.


3 He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD.


4 Blessed is the man

who makes the LORD his trust,

who does not look to the proud,

to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]


5 Many, O LORD my God,

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare.

news flash

the only thing more stressful than moving into a new house is being pregnant and sickish while moving into a new house :)

i am not finding tons of empty time to blog, but I did want to make sure all of my blogging friends know that I am in fact pregnant (9wks-due may 27th)..and have not fallen off of the face of the earth. One of these days I am going to have free time to upload pictures and update this blog properly.

until then, love well.

the verdict just in..moving not as stressful as having a baby..but pretty darn close!

i don't have long...because i have boxes staring at me and food cooking on the stove..but had to write a few lines before i explode

here is a list of the blessings that i have been experiencing the past 3 days since we moved into our new house:
screens on windows means that you can sleep with windows open
fridge with built in water dispenser means that you can have cold filtered water anytime of the day..and never have to remember to refill the brita
i love the feeling of finishing unloading a box and throwing it in the garage
having a screened in porch is nothing new for us..but having one with a ceiling fan is sure an added bonus
floor to ceiling (exaggerated) windows all around you as  you eat at the breakfast table is sure nice in the morning and at night when the sun sets right through the breakfast area window
space
real grass
2 sofas in the living room means that i can either snuggle with jack on his sofa OR spread out on my own sofa
when i have to get up in the mid night to use the facilities..i don't have to climb over my husband
the computer is in an office instead of in the living room

ok, it is the little things, folks.

my daddy comes tomorrow..and jackson's 2nd birthday is thursday..with party friday...dad leaves sunday...then life may get a little less crazy :)

until then. love.

to God be the glory!

the house we bought today! 
click on the blue letters to see the inside

always to be continued...

OK, so i can't sleep a wink..i think it is 1:30a now...not sure though because the clock says 1:34 and the computer says 12:47am..so i will just trust that it is late.

this house stuff is definitely all consuming...i am constantly, like every second, having to repent of idolatry and forgetting what/who is the Goal of my existence.  even laying in bed i try to pray and i keep finding myself sidetracked..if you were in my head, it would sound something like this:
Lord, you are my rock..you are sturdy..you are the reason for my existence...what will i do with that bonus room, where can i put that big piece of furniture that i use in the kitchen to keep the spices and pots and pans, now that i won't need it to store things in the new kitchen since the new cabinets give plenty of room for such things..IF we get the house, what if we don't get the house, what if it doesn't go through, oh Lord I so hope it doesn't go through if you have somewhere else for us..Lord, i want what you want..please block this if it isn't where you want us to live, minister, play, pray and nest...

see how noisy it is?  so much flying around..and thank you God that taking every thought captive is Your job, not mine...and you keep bringing it all back to You.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (New American Standard Bible)

4for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, 6and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete.

here is a "quick" timeline of events:

put house on the market in feb. plan to sell then buy new
in june hear clark howard talk about trading houses in this recession
call ceci with crazy idea in july
ceci puts out feeler to Realtors about idea
in august builder wants to consider trading with us
we go look at the trade house and fall in love
he makes offer that we need to counter offer
ceci goes on a well deserved vacay
we wait a week to counter, all the while getting excited about moving to a new house
while waiting we go look at another house to compare prices and get a number in mind to counter offer
builder calls to say he is renting out, nothing we can do to convince him otherwise
we are ubber (sp?)upset, but had prayed that the Lord would block anything that is not of Him, so we know that He did so and we are thankful for that
in my sadness and disappointment i contact a friend who had mentioned renting our house as a last ditch effort to feel better and maybe get to still buy something and finally move
renter friend is still wanting to rent
jack and i start looking at houses..this time we have many houses to choose from..
i look through 50 mls listings and narrow it down to 20 houses, we drive around and look at all of them and get the list down to 15 houses
we have now (presently) looked at half of those and i love two, jack still not in love
we go to church and talk to a dear fried who mentions above highlighted house as being a great steal of a deal
jack and i get home and both start going on and on about how great that house really was compared to the 8 houses we have seen and 50+ houses we have looked at online..
look online and see the price has been reduced to under our price max AND under any of the houses that we liked so far in all of our searching.
i text ceci to tell her the VERY FIRST house we saw, that we are going to look at it again today (sunday sept 12) and we both really like it..so she can commiserate about the irony
she has someone about to make an offer on it..maybe monday, tells us to hurry if we really want it
we go look at it again, and fall in love on second look..now that we had a much more informed mindset.
jack and i love it..settle on an offer..make an offer (sept 12)...will know something soon, hopefully.  (anyone who knows how this house thing has been going knows that this in itself is a miracle of God!)

the journey continues..folks. and even if this isn't the house that we will end with, do you see how the Lord is working. He is using these two "completely dumb to His plan" children..and He is working despite our wanderings..He is even using our wanderings for His glory, all the while we second by second repent of our trappings and fall into His perfectly mastered plan.

 Col 2: 6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, 7rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Pray that for us..that we will continue to live, root and be strengthened to the point of overflow.



oh, and now it is 233a or 145a..still not sure.

first offer

we made our first offer today..on this house.

you can pray that the Lord would block anything that is not in His will...and keep us focused on Him, His beauty, His gifts, His provisions, and His plan.

will give more details (where it is, the inside, the nitty gritty) if everything pans out and it becomes ours.

penetrate me

Was reading the sunday school lesson today (hey, don't judge..i know it is wednesday and sunday school was sunday...but i missed and the teacher puts the lessons online!!!) and LOVED this quote by Ed Welch:

"People are complex.  Beneath the surface of life is a heart that is always on the move, looking for objects in which to trust (Luke 24:25, Romans 10:10).  The heart has purposes (Prov. 20:5, Dan. 1:18), inclinations (Eccl. 10:2), intents (Heb. 4:12), imaginations and schemes (Prov. 6:18), desires (Ps. 10:3, James 4:1), and cravings and lusts (1 John 2:16, Ephe. 4:19),  It is not surprising that, with such complexity, our hearts are not always immediately understandable to others, or even to ourselves (matt. 15:8, 1Cor 4:5, Prov. 16:2, Jer. 17:9).  Like the bottom of a well or the roots of trees, our hearts tend to be hidden, and we can never fully know their depths.  But you don't have to be a master analyst.  All you need is a willingness to say, "Search me, O God" (ps. 139:23), and you will begin to see.   Don't be too concerned if you feel like you are just scratching the surface.  More important than knowing your motives is knowing God , and God is very generous in revealing Himself.  He should be your primary focus.  We should spend more time looking at Christ than in inspecting our own hearts.  For if you are growing in the knowledge of God, you will be changed even to the depths of your heart."

Ed Welch, Motives :  Why Do I Do the Things I Do?

The Journal of Bilbical Counseling, Fall 2003

First question after reading it was..how do we grow in the knowledge of God?

The Lord answered in His Word.

For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give an account. Hebrews 4:12-13

Lord, will you search me?
Will you draw me into Your word that my heart may be penetrated?

migas

remember this?

well it was soooo yummy on day one!  and super duper yummier on day 4! Especially with eggs and tortilla chips...
What? (i know you are thinking..that is CRAZY TALK!)

I was reading a fun blog that i recently found and now love to read called Eat, Live, Run.   And there was a fun recipe for something called migas.  It is scrambled eggs with crunched up chips in them.

Decided to try them for lunch today.  Went to the fridge to get the eggs and saw the tomato, feta, basil salad..decided to get wild and use that as my base. 

Recipe went something like this.

put fun tomato salad in small pan to heat
crack two eggs into the pan on top of it after it has heated (i don't waist a bowl by scrambling eggs ahead of time..i just do it in the pan..i know i am a genius..ha!)
break yolks with spatula and turn eggs with salad until eggs are lightly scrambled
take a handful of tortilla chips and break into egg mixture
continue to turn until eggs are totally done
enjoy the yumminess!


forgot to take a picture in all of the excitement...but it looked something like this.

sunday of cooking

making this for two cookouts monday

making this for a brunch tuesday

 











making this for lunches this week

making this for thursday dinners this month

for recipes see these links:
tomato feta salad (i added garlic because everything is better with garlic)
glazed apples and sausage (didn't add the onions)
whole wheat bread in the bread machine
hawaiian chicken (i modified it by putting all ingredients in the crockpot on low for 8 hours)

did i mention that i LOVE being in the kitchen?!

happy cooking!

misc

we are proceeding with renting our house out to our friends. so we are starting our house hunt. our friends would like to be in our house by november 1..so we have a little time. we have picked 12 houses out of 50 houses. (realtor sent us the mls listings for 50 that fit the criteria of what we are looking for...)  basically our criteria is 4 or more bedrooms in oconee in our certain price range..so i narrowed it down to 12 by looking through pictures of the houses (that was a lonely day for jackson..while mommy stared at a computer screen all day..) and jack and i did a 3 hour drive by of some of the houses (jackson did incredibly well with being in his car seat that long, praise GOD!!)..

and some other things i found important were..
basement
community pool
sidewalks

and jack likes...
close access to the loop
space in the yard
a great financial deal..( ie. lots of house for a little money..)

so the fun begins...the adventure of trying to make his stuff and my stuff fit together like a puzzle to find the house that is right for our family. (can be very agonizing..was much easier when i found and bought this house without anyone's opinions to hold me back..but i am sure that the Lord is molding jack and i..helping us to relate to one another in a more Christ-like way..)

you see, with the trade house..we had no choices.  which was nice in some ways.

for my praying readers..please pray that I won't make this house searching thing an idol. that when my heart beats it will be to the rhythm of matthew 6.  this has been a real challenge for me..we come home from house hunting and i lay in bed all night thinking about the various houses and the various scenarios..it is daunting. i would love to enjoy the freedom of knowing the Lord is in control and will do His Holy and Perfect Will.

Matthew 6:19-21 (New International Version)

Treasures in Heaven

19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

So Tues and Thurs of next week we will tour houses with our Realtor (whom i LOVE if you ever need a good one!) 

to be continued...

also, loved reading my friend's Sunday blog today (hey, don't judge..i know it is already Friday :)  it was about living in the Real World.  <---click here..hope He uses it to speak to your heart like He spoke to mine.

update

ok, i know i have to write this post because i have a few friends who actually check this thing and care about the day to day stuff that is happening in the morse family.  Also, I know if i don't type it out now before going to bed, i will compose it in my head for a few hours before falling to sleep.

so here it is. the house that we so wanted..that we could taste...that i had decorated in my head and furnished every room even though i knew the risks..that house was rented out on friday.  the realtor called our realtor while on vacation and told her that they needed to rent out the new house to cover overhead on the property as opposed to acquiring another property (our house) through a trade deal.  our realtor pointed out, it could have been much worse...we could have gotten further into the deal and had a 400.00 inspection only to have them pull out..so we are thankful that they pulled out before the expenses began.

but we are both sad. we both had fallen in love. i know it is the Lord blocking something that is not to be, so that feels good..but then there is a part of me that is really just disappointed.

so the next step..is that we have had a few friends who have asked to rent our house..we are going to look at a few houses that we have spotted while driving around to see if there is any house that is a steal..that would be worth the risks involved with renting our present house out... being ultimately responsible for two properties, freaks me out a lot..but i want to be sure that we explore all possibilties.  if there is no property that jumps out at us, we will keep sitting tight at 123 :)  we will hopefully look at the other houses sometime this week.  will keep you posted.

thanks for praying.

jack had a fever of 102 most of the time...it rained while we were trying to cook dinner..and we had no tarp..i went to put my bathing suit on to swim with jackson in the lake and i left my top at home..thus had to swim topless..but the Lord sustained us..and we actually had a pretty good time! (between jack's motin doses of course..)  God is Good!  He doesn't promise a smooth trip..He just promises that He takes care of His children amidst the bumps :)

oh, and if you want a starter list for a camping trip here is the list i made :) for our night trip...we just wore the same clothes the whole time..so we didn't do a suitcase for clothes and stuff.

List of stuff to bring camping

tents (2)

tarp/hammer for stakes

rain coats

wearing same outfit whole time (can get dirty, hiking shoes)

flip flops-for both

bathing suits/towel/sunscreen

pillows

pads

tooth brush

acid reflux, tums, zyrtec, motrin

bible

chairs

sleeping bags

mats

bug spray

flash lights

Jackson:

pack-n-play

blanket

book/bulletin

night clothes

sleep toy

raincoat

biocorneum

food:

2cups of milk-jackson

oatmeal/raisins

spoon/fork/bowls/cups/plates-for all, picnic bag thing

water cup

hotdogs/buns/ketchup/beans

marshmallows/graham/chocolate

fruit

eggs, bacon, coffee, splenda, milk

water bottles

beer

orange juice

trash bag

dish soap scrub brush

towel

pot

stove/propane tanks/lighter/kindle

citronella candles

wipes

can opener/egg spatula/bacon tongs/fire metal sticks

toilet paper

chairs

whew! i had all of this stuff i was planning to write..and then it took like 20 hours to get the pictures arranged how i wanted them..so now i have no energy left..next time i will just link you to facebook and just post one picture to the blog..it is NOT easy posting pictures on this blog..anyone have any helpful tips..let me know!  Above and below is the campsite.  

jackson's very first camping trip..he stayed in one tent and jack and i in the other..he slept in his pack and play.  This is Big Hart Campground in Thomson GA. Near augusta, ga.  Beautiful sites..love the lake and the playground :)

jackson loved the lake, too :) and loved the boats that would go by every now and then.  Thank you, God for the lake..in the 24 hours we were there it was cloudy, rainy, sunny, dusky..and the lake was GORGEOUS the whole time!

jackson and daddy skipping stones

this is jackson in his tent..at 7am..clearly ready to play.   he loved being outside for 24 hours!  now i am stopping this post because posting picture on this blog is a nightmare!!! enjoy the pictures..you may never see this many on a post again ;) ha!

my wealth

being known
water rushing off of a cliff
sweat dripping down my face and legs during an intense workout
God whispers and I hear amidst the chaos
waves crashing on the shoreline
thought completes itself, makes sense and serves a purpose
mountains reaching for heaven
a song and worship unite and cause tears and chill your skin with bumps
anticipation of meeting your forever son inside of your body...his movement before he is outside.
jackson puts his arms around my neck and nuzzles his nose into that space between my shoulder and my ear
laughing until i pee a little
making a list and completing it
a cup of coffee, a book, and a chair
worry and fear enveloping me, jack holding me close in the darkness
thunderstorm outside with a book inside
fire in the fireplace..cold outside..jack.
water flowing around rocks in a stream
baby taking his first breath of air..laid on my chest...slimy...screaming...ours.

1 Chronicles 29:12-14 (New International Version)

 ¹² Wealth and honor come from you; 

       you are the ruler of all things. 

       In your hands are strength and power 

       to exalt and give strength to all.

 ¹³ Now, our God, we give you thanks, 

       and praise your glorious name.

 ¹⁴ "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? 

Everything comes from you..

my friend, kels...posed a question on her blog that made me want to write...so instead of just answering on her blog. decided to post here.

question: 

what makes you feel alive?

monkey worship

jackson and me in the living room sitting hunched over a plastic noah's ark..

can you find the animals that go in the boat, jackson.

"i do, mommy" he says with excited eyes looking around the room

i hear the thumping of toddler feet running around the house on hardwoods

he returns again and again to our spot in the living room with more plastic ark animals

a tiger...thump, thump, thump, thump

a sheep, a horse, a girraffe...saying each animal name as he runs them to the boat.

after 5 minutes or so, only one empty space remained on the boat.

what is missing, jackson?

"a moona" he yells..

the monkey is his favorite animal on the ark

he runs into his room

he runs back into the livingroom with sad eyes

"mommy, hep me" he laments

ok, mommy will help you look for the monkey

he grabs my hand and leads me into his room

i immediately notice a book laying on top of something on the floor

i pick up the book and there a plastic noah's ark monkey lays as if hiding from toddler eyes

jackson immediately grabs the monkey and holds it close

"moona, moona, mommy!  daddy, moona, moona!"

he jumps around into the hallway, then the dining room, then ends his victory dance in the livingroom, plopping down by the ark

i reach for the monkey to place it in the correct position on the ark

"no mommy, no! moona, moona! mine! jaxn, moona, mommy!" tears, snatches, anger

immediately I see it. i see myself..i see the child whose joyfulness, excitement, and thankfulness...turned to monkey worship.

Jonah's prayer from the belly of a whale:

 ⁷ "When my life was ebbing away,
       I remembered you, LORD,
       and my prayer rose to you,
       to your holy temple.
 ⁸ "Those who cling to worthless idols
       forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
 ⁹ But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
       will sacrifice to you.
       What I have vowed I will make good.
       Salvation comes from the LORD."Jonah 2:7-9 (New International Version)

Lord, i see me. i see me in my son. i see that i am holding tightly to the things of this world...the ideals of this world...i see that i want control. i see that i want it bad enough to ignore You and ignore the things You are teaching me. Lord, give me a song of thanksgiving...give me a heart of sacrifice...

update

for those of you at the edge of your seat waiting to hear about whether we will be trading houses any time soon...

We are going to take a week to pray and be sure this is what the Lord would have us do.

Will update again after our hiatus :)

"great" news?

I receive "Joni and Friends Daily Devotional" in my inbox every morning. This is what I was greeted with this morning. I will comment at the end of this selection copied straight from the email subscription that Joni sends:




Joni and Friends Daily Devotional


August 19

Dear Heather,

Life Ain't Easy

"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God."
- Acts 14:22

Everyone who takes the Bible seriously, and many who don't, agree that God hates suffering. Jesus spent much of his short life relieving it. Scores of passages tell us to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, visit inmates, and speak up for the helpless. When we feel compassion for people in distress, we know that God felt it first. He shows this by raising sick people from their beds sometimes to the wonder of doctors, in answer to prayer. Every day he grants childless women babies, pulls small business owners out of financial pits, protects Alzheimer's patients crossing the street, and writes happy endings to sad situations. Even when he has to punish sin, he says it gives him no pleasure (Ezekiel18:32). In heaven, Eden's curse will be canceled. Sighs and longings will be historical curiosities. Tears will evaporate. Tissue companies will go broke.

But it simply doesn't follow that God's only relationship to suffering is to relieve it. He specifically says that all who follow him can expect hardship. But didn't Jesus hang on a cross so we wouldn't have to suffer hell? Yes, but not so we wouldn't have to suffer here on earth. Listen to the Bible on this:

"I will show [Paul] how much he must suffer for my name" (Acts 9:16).

"For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ... to suffer for him... " (Philippians 1:29).

The Bible goes even further. After calling Christians "heirs of God and co heirs with Christ" it adds "if indeed we share in his sufferings." In other words, no one goes to Christ's heaven who doesn't first share Christ's sufferings. Do you think you should be exempt from suffering? Listen to this final word from Hebrews 5:8, "Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered..." This week, purpose in your heart to be no greater than your Master. If he suffered, you can expect it too.

* * * * *

What "GREAT" news right?
Thinking about all of my friends who are suffering right now...cancer, infertility, miscarriages, marital issues, divorce, terminally ill children, and other such sufferings...I not only want to make all of my friend's problems disappear, maybe even pray them away with a prayer that sounds something like, "Dearest Lord, please take away their hardship and suffering..." but I also want to pray a prayer that sounds something like this, "and dear Lord, PLEASE NOT ME! don't let any of these terrible things happen to our family."

I cringe...we are going through an exciting time right now with being on the verge of selling our house, having a healthy toddler who is a joy right now, having a marriage that has its problems but is, for the most part, a joy...but the Christian life is a life where we learn from what we suffer. Because we are such flawed folk, we don't turn to Christ when we don't feel like we need Him. We don't lean on Him, when we think our lives are going well.

So the great news sounds something like this: He who has the Son has life. He who does not have the Son does not have life. 1 John 5:12 Period. Not, He who has the Son and an easy life and an obedient child and a compassionate husband and a nice house and no stray grays has life. He who has the Son has life. He who does not have the Son does not have life. 1 John 5:12

Praise be to God that You are all we need. Will you help me to really believe this is true?

James1:2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

randomness

whenever my friend, julie (a fervent blog follower), writes me an email and asks me questions, i know that i am slacking on my blog :) sorry, julie :)

house update:

  

we are looking into trading our house.  jack heard about it somewhere and we asked our Realtor to send out a feeler to other realtors if there was anyone who wanted to buy our house and we would buy their house...a move that folks do who want out of a mortgage payment who have moved on and need a smaller monthly payment...she found a builder who is building in a subdivision who wants to sell his most recent completed house, so he can continue with the neighborhood. we went to look at the house and loved it! 

it may be ours one day soon..or it may just be a step in this crazy process..that is definitely not being driven by us...the Lord is at work in all of this..and we want nothing more than to follow Him. I would LOVE to be able to settle into this forever home..but He knows the plans He has for us..and His are always way better than ours.

jackson boo boo update:

when jackson got his stitches out the wound was infected...yucky. since, he has healed up nicely.  we have been using vitamin e on it and sunscreen..but we are beginning biocorneum treatments which is a silocone layer that makes the scar protected and even with spf to keep it colored well.  thanks to ruthie (jack's mom)..her dermatologist suggested it.  she is paying for it, so we will try it.

biocorneum website

wife update:

being a wife is HARD..i have felt the Lord really calling me to be a praying wife.  praying that imperfect jack will lead us well..and having faith that the Lord will use Him in his imperfections to give God glory...praying that the Lord would change me..that I would focus more on myself and my relationship with God and not as much on Jack and the things he should be doing or not doing.  i also think i would desire jack with more passion, if I weren't so focussed on his faults and shortcomings...and be more focussed on the Lord and what He is doing in and around me. i also want to have faith that the Lord changes His children in His own time..so that I don't feel so hopeless in my internal struggles and marital struggles.

i admit i love myself way more than i love anything else..and loving any other way is a great struggle.  but God can and will LOVE His way, unconditionally and unselfishly, through these filthy rags. pray that for me and for us.

(oh and you can pray for jackson too, he started crying in the middle of this blog (at 11pm) and i went in and took his temp..he was HOT..102.04...)

house selling vs house staying update

 

123 Henry Meyer Road Virtual Tour

ok, so lots of you have asked for an update on the house selling etc...

the Lord will do what He will do..and we want nothing more than to be in His will..living where He wants us to live..doing what He wants us to do..in the neighborhood He wants us to live in...we put our house on the market at the beginning of feb...thinking that we would go ahead and move into a larger house to set ourselves up for having a larger family, etc.  the Lord has given us one interested buyer who had our house at the top of her list with another house and got her bid on the other house...so since then we haven't had any big bites. as much as our plan isn't matching what the Lord has in mind, we are at peace.  we love our house, our neighbors, our neighborhood...if this is where the Lord wants us there is nowhere else we want to be.

so we are going to start making some more improvements to 123. 

(in order of importance and urgency)

-sod the front yard

-fence the front yard

-put a door from our room to the living room so we don't have to go through our guest room in order to get to our room

-extend the concrete in our driveway another 10 feet or so 

-update our kitchen and middle bathroom

we will keep our house on the market until we feel the Lord is leading us to take it off...all the while, proceeding as if we will be living in 123 for the long haul.

the one thing that bugs both of us about all of this is that we started renting a storage shed in january to store things from the house that clutter our house..in order to stage it for selling.  Now we really really don't want that stuff back in the house. we enjoy the added space. however, we can't just sell the stuff in storage as much of it is valuable, antique, family heirlooms, collectibles..etc..so we are stuck with a 95 buck per month storage fee from here until...that is probably the biggest annoyance of all of this.

“Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve... But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” - Josh 24:14-15

update on being stuck

went over to Linda's...i have a few friends that i stalk when i need to process verbally..jack is not a verbal guy, so i try to hit up nan, linda, casey..and other friends who know the Gospel and love to talk things out and listen to me talk things out..and they tell me Truth. praise God for my girl friends!

so went to Linda's and told her basically restated the blog from yesterday..and the Lord spoke through linda and said...(beware, this may be very obvious to some people and way too wordy for some others...sometimes putting words to revelations is more complicated than the actual idea itself...ha!)

As a Believer we always are striving to live in our present reality...what do we know to be sin right now? what do we know to be Truth right now?  what is the revealed will of God right now? we are constantly praying for the Lord to make us new..for the Lord to reveal His character and apply it to our lives.  He is always changing us, always growing us in Him, thus, always changing our present reality...and revealing more to us every day. (Example of this in the stitches situation:  because Jackson had been so independent outside and careful and good with the dogs, and never finding trouble outside, my current reality was that he was ok to have some independent (supervised from the window) playtime in the back yard.  since the incident with the fall and the stitches, i have a new current reality. it has now been revealed to me that Jackson needs me outside with him when he plays until he is older.  This change in idea of what is safe for jackson, doesn't mean that I was sinning by letting him in the backyard before or that i was being a bad mom..or that i was to blame for his accident. now, however, i am called to live in light of my new reality.)

The realization that I am not to blame for his 8 stitches..for his pain..for his suffering..has really helped me grow and learn from the experience..and not want to crawl in the closet and hide from my role as a mom.

just thought an update would be in order.

thanks for your prayer!

Thank you Jesus, for your hand of protection and for sanctifying me in the midst of perceived chaos..
 

^{2 Thessalonians 2:13}But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. ¹⁴He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. ¹⁵So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.

 ¹⁶May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, ¹⁷encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

i wasn't there

this is jackson's boo boo..gash...8 stitches

the next thing i would normally do is tell you how he got it...if you asked me, i would say that he was on the backyard steps that lead to the back door and our dog followed him up the steps and because gabey doesn't do anything carefully and gingerly...gabey knocked jackson off of the steps..and he hit his head on the well and gashed it open leaving him laying in the dirt screaming with blood gushing out of his head.

however, that would just be a guess..because i wasn't there. this is where i am stuck right now. i wasn't there. i don't know what happened. i don't know how my little 21 month old son got hurt. he wanted to go in the backyard and play "gawf" with "abe-bie", so we put his sandals on and i carried him over the steep steps and put him on the ground where he ran for the golf club...i closed the back door and ran to finish up the few emails i had left to answer on the computer..then walked to the back door area to go check on him and then start dinner..as i walked toward the back door, i heard him screaming and looked out to see him laying on the ground with dirt on his legs and i went out to pick him and up calm him down and then noticed blood all over his head and flowing down his face, down his nose, out of his mouth..all in his hair...flowing down his face like the sink faucet on low.

the rest of the story is not a guess because i was there..this part is so much easier to tell...the feeling of guilt isn't in the pit of my stomach as I proceed...i was there to run him to the sink to find the gash..put a compress on this head, put on my shoes, and run down the street to find a neighbor who could take me to the emergency clinic. held him in my lap in the front seat of her car with the compress on his head...got seen immediately at the clinic, got numbing cream within minutes of arriving and as soon as the numbing cream took effect..he got put in a straight jacket where they stitched his head up quickly and we were out the door as quickly as we arrived...with 8 stitches.

i am so thankful for the Lord's protection and provision for jackson..the boo boo could have been 1 inch to the left and he would have been blind in one eye..i could have gotten caught up on the computer and wouldn't have heard him screaming at all and he could have lost tons more blood and maybe even bled to death in the back yard..the Lord gave me a neighbor that would take me to the clinic so i could keep holding the compress on the wound..the Lord really provided so richly for us.

but i wasn't there.

make me lie down

we have been running around like crazy people...from event to event!

with working out in the afternoons when jack gets home..and then coming home to quickly fix dinner and then go out to various fun events like this one above (a women's event for church called "amazing Grace"), or hosting bachelorette parties at my house,

or having small group women's prayer nights at my house...and then getting all packed up for weekend trips and such with the family...

and then there is cow day at chic-fil-a..

all great things...all fun adventures...but all of this stuff together leaves me feeling like this...

i often find myself wishing i could find a balance between crazy busy and calm inside...

i find myself really enjoying the fast pace and moving from thing to thing to thing..and jackson tends to like it too. we are both extroverts and get really happy and excited about seeing friends and family and being out and about..jack oscillates more between wanting to be doing something and desiring to rest...he may be more of an introvert than jackson and i.

nonetheless, i know focus is important. time with our Father to hear Him and examine our hearts and lay our fears and anxieties before Him. to learn from Him and Know Him amidst the chaos and fun.

the cry of my heart, Lord..."make me lie down".

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       he leads me beside quiet waters,
 ³ he restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for his name's sake.

a chuckle for the day

If you read Darby's blog here is a repeat!  I laughed and laughed at this "ugly face" movie!  Please watch this and laugh with me :)  I can't figure out how to make the video smaller so you may just want to click on the video or click here to watch it on youtube.

cute new do

before the snip..you can find more on facebook...this is unstraightened..this is what it looked like before I spent 15 minutes getting all hot and sweaty under a hair dryer...i was finally done with the craziness of my hair with jack's permission, of course..

we shall see if i can make it look like this..but i think it will be half the battle the long hair was, at least...since half of it is buzzed...ha! i LOVE it.











Here are some more shots.

Sarah, the stylist, listened..felt my head to ensure no weird shapes..looked for my cowlicks to ensure nothing weird there..was very honest about what would and wouldn't work.  Taught me how to style it different ways..AND i got a glass of white!  all for 40 bucks..umm amazing!  oh, and the girl that she cut before me got a very traditional cute bob..and so I know Sarah can do traditional well too!

Go see Sarah at Republic Salon..click on "cute new do" to be directed to their website..and tell them Heather Morse sent you :) oh and tell me before you go.

saturday at 1:45

a before and after shot coming soon....