The Morse Family

Beyond Me

Beyond Me

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

morning of quiet

jackson is still sleeping (8:51a)...very rarely happens. but it gives me time to introspect on the good ole' blog.

i have been getting lots of "how are you feeling?" questions since i am 31weeks preg..and look very belly heavy...have gained more with this one by 30 weeks than I had gained with jackson by now...oh, well. i am thinking it prob because of three vacations in the past three months and only exercising 2 days a week..with jackson i had walking buds and walked almost every day.

how am i feeling.
i am trying not to feel...because when i do feel, i feel scared and sad.

scared because i am not wanting to find out what it is like to be a mom of two boys. scared because our morse life has just gotten in the groove of a fun family..who enjoys one another, can travel without severe stress in the back seat, can go to restaurants without hearing much whining and crying, can enjoy time away from jackson without worrying that he is being ruined by his grands...etc..

sad because this may be the last pregnancy. jack is sold on the number two...and honestly the number three freaks me out a lot...but I love being pregnant, i love feeling the kicks, i love letting that belly hang out and not having to give excuses, i love having an excuse to nap during the day and minimize my schedule...i love being a mom of a baby belly. sad because I love nursing babies...i am sure i could think of other things to be sad about, but just typing this all out is painful, so i will stop here.

i am ready to feel some excitement, some anticipation, some readiness...some trust and rest in the truth that the Lord has the perfect plan for our family..and there is no need to be scared or sad since He is in charge.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

on Lent

i have a certain amount of hesitancy with the popular idea of lent.  all of my favorite bloggers out there are blogging about it..I decided, instead of posting the same comment 5 times, I would ponder here.

I was raised Catholic.  I practiced lent from the time I was a young child.  Eating only fish on Fridays ...and then also giving up something I loved for a certain amount of time...grumbling about how hard it was...praying for the Lord to give me the strength to endure the certain sacrifice.  Counting the days until Easter when I would eat it, do it, or pick it back up again in abundance...when I wouldn't have to order the fish sandwich on Fridays when I would forget and go out to eat at McD's.  If I didn't participate in the Lenten season, I wouldn't talk about it...would feel less catholic..less committed...and a thick fog of catholic guilt.

Since I came to know Christ, a gradual but dynamic thing has happened.  I have realized that my salvation is not about me..not about what I do or don't do..not about how many quiet times I have or don't have..not about how much I pray or don't pray...Christ died and rose for me...a filthy, dirty sinner...anything pure or good or right in my life is not me, but totally God.  He did this in order that I may have a relationship with Him that is active and real..a relationship where I continually notice my insufficiency and continually fall into His sufficiency...Second by second repentance..second by second needing Him to cover me with His forgiveness and love.  It is a hard walk of allowing Him to remove all of the stuff that is not Him and replacing it with His character that is Galatians 5:22 (But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!)  This walk is all encompassing, all inclusive, and completely life changing...all of the time.  Not just for a season..and certainly not for us to do something for Him...He doesn't need our sacrifice...His sacrifice was completely sufficient and gave us the ability to now have this relationship with Him that was otherwise impossible...

26 Such a high priest truly meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens. 27 Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself. 28 For the law appoints as high priests men in all their weakness; but the oath, which came after the law, appointed the Son, who has been made perfect forever. Hebrews 7:26-28 

4 Surely he took up our pain 
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.  Isaiah 53:4-6

this thought keeps coming to my mind..and I want you to remind me of it when i am in the muck..

What good purposes does our Savior serve if we don't allow Him to save us from the serious chaos in our lives...if he only saves us in times of happiness and joy.

There is so much that He can save us much more..and yet, we try to do all of the saving ourselves and don't draw upon Him...His power to save.  

Job 4:3 “In the past you have encouraged many people;
      you have strengthened those who were weak.
 4 Your words have supported those who were falling;
      you encouraged those with shaky knees.
 5 But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart.
      You are terrified when it touches you.
 6 Doesn’t your reverence for God give you confidence?
      Doesn’t your life of integrity give you hope?

We sin when don't believe in His ability to save us from ourselves..but the great news is that His forgiveness can give us great peace, His word can sustain us, praying to Him can comfort and give us great confidence, talking about Him can spread His life giving power to others...