i have been getting lots of "how are you feeling?" questions since i am 31weeks preg..and look very belly heavy...have gained more with this one by 30 weeks than I had gained with jackson by now...oh, well. i am thinking it prob because of three vacations in the past three months and only exercising 2 days a week..with jackson i had walking buds and walked almost every day.
how am i feeling.
i am trying not to feel...because when i do feel, i feel scared and sad.
scared because i am not wanting to find out what it is like to be a mom of two boys. scared because our morse life has just gotten in the groove of a fun family..who enjoys one another, can travel without severe stress in the back seat, can go to restaurants without hearing much whining and crying, can enjoy time away from jackson without worrying that he is being ruined by his grands...etc..
sad because this may be the last pregnancy. jack is sold on the number two...and honestly the number three freaks me out a lot...but I love being pregnant, i love feeling the kicks, i love letting that belly hang out and not having to give excuses, i love having an excuse to nap during the day and minimize my schedule...i love being a mom of a baby belly. sad because I love nursing babies...i am sure i could think of other things to be sad about, but just typing this all out is painful, so i will stop here.
i am ready to feel some excitement, some anticipation, some readiness...some trust and rest in the truth that the Lord has the perfect plan for our family..and there is no need to be scared or sad since He is in charge.