The Morse Family

Beyond Me

Beyond Me

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

a giveaway on my girls blog :)

she is drawing get on it :)

click on the title of this blog to go to the directions.

ps. this is a precious friend who i met when she lived athens and welcomed me into her house once per week for playgroup before i even had thoughts of having a child..i love love love this girl..and she is an amazing photographer and an amazing blog designer...can't say enough great things..oh and more importantly than any of this other stuff..she is a fellow follower of Christ!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

On marriage

In the beginning, I would throw the "D" word around a lot...but then Jack started throwing it around, too..and because I am so insecure about marriage being a permanent thing (because of my experience with my parents..) I would freak out, when he said the now we don't use that word.  It is not a word used in our marriage, because it is not a viable option for our marriage.  I needed that security in order to feel like I was free to be myself and openly express my concerns and fears without feeling like Jack might just walk if he felt like I was too crazy.

So if the "D" word is not an option for us, we have to figure out how to make this thing matter how apathetic we are toward each other..or how mad we can get..or how disappointed he can make me or I can make him...So another word that has become really big for us in our marriage these days is Grace (an underserved and freely given and unconditional gift)...the self helpy books don't work for me..I read them, get pumped about them, try to use them, and BAM mess up again and again..then eventually forget what they said.  I have read one book that I will recommend to friends, however.  It is called "When Sinners Say, 'I do'" by Dave Harvey.  This book is based on the techniques that Christ lays out for how to be united in scripture.  These are the techniques that stick with me.
Ephesians 5:
 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
So my job is to submit as the church submits to Christ and respect Jack.
His job is to love me as Christ loved/died for the church and as he loves himself.
and my job is to only focus on my job..not on his job..and then the bottom line is..that I never do my job perfectly (or even close to perfectly..) so I should be constantly confessing that to Jack and to Christ...and Jack never does his job he should be constantly confessing that to me and to Christ as well.  The fights happen when we either forget our individual jobs or get preoccupied with what the other person is supposed to be doing..or when we don't have Grace.  Since we are both boundless sinners, we both need to have boundless grace.

Jack and I read the book together in a group of other married couples..and it has really helped us know what we should be shooting to do..HOWEVER, we forget lots..and because of that we become selfish and just want and want and want..instead of giving and giving and giving...and it makes us like two ticks sucking on each other..and starving to death..instead of two ticks sucking on a dog (christ) and never demanding anything of the other tick.

Anyway, that is where we are...we do a lot of failing..and a lot of crying..and a lot of making up..and then things I think are solved, reoccur again..and I get frustrated and feel defeated..and then the Lord speaks to my heart and reminds me that I am His and that He is the only one who loves perfectly and He is the only one who can change me and He completely accepts me as I am and then I feel full again.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Then the Word of the Lord came

As I layed awake in bed on Sunday morning, I felt a holy spirit nudge in my heart.  A "whisper" (if you will) said, "Heather, you are well loved, well cared for, you are Mine.  This day is just like everyday.  This day is a day I have made.  It is about Me, about giving Me glory, about submitting to My reign."  My heart felt very full, and I knew that was my mother's day gift...the very best one I could ever receive.  I decided in that moment that this Mother's day was going to be about submitting to the will of my Father.

Haggai 1:3-6 (New International Version)

 3 Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: 4 "Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?"
 5;Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. 6 You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it."

The reason Mother's Day (Christmas, Birthdays, Vacations, ..) can feel so empty is because they are days when I am focusing on me...on Jack filling me to the point of overflow, on me filling me to the point of overflow, on gifts filling me to the point of overflow, on experiences filling me to the point of overflow...I wait, and wait..and I never feel satisfied, I never feel full...nothing fills me.  Jack can't, I can't, gifts can't, experiences can't....and I get angry.  I didn't feel full because Jack didn't deliver..he didn't do a good enough job of trying..if he would have just done it this way or that way, I would feel satisfied.  The lies I tell myself add to my discontent.

This is God's charge: Repent!

Haggai 1:7-8 (New International Version)

 7 This is what the LORD Almighty says: Give careful thought to your ways. 8 Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the LORD.

"Give careful thought" another version says "Consider your ways"...Take a good hard look at your life...your previous and present conduct and how you fared, Heather.  Did it work?  Were you living in a way that made you feel satisfied and gave My name glory?  Did you love Jack well?  Did you add life and love to your home and your family?  Think about it...and repent. Turn from the dissatisfaction of worshiping Heather and her happiness...stop trying to fill myself, because that will just leave me dry.

Haggai 1:9-11 (New International Version)

9 "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. 10 Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. 11 I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands."

This is God's Charge: Obey!

Haggai 1:12 (Amplified Bible)

12Then Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel and Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, with all the remnant of the people [who had returned from captivity], listened to and obeyed the voice of the Lord their God [not vaguely or partly, but completely, according to] the words of Haggai the prophet, since the Lord their God had sent him, and the people [reverently] feared and [worshipfully] turned to the Lord.

I know what the world is saying to us is completely counter this Word..and if feels feels like you are denying yourself things that you DESERVE as a woman, but I want you to blindly obey me.--the Lord is saying.  Fill your life with His word and prayer and the outcome will lead to obedience.  A life that is committed to giving Him Glory..and life that is unfocused on my needs..When I screw up, which I know I will..He calls me to turn and repent and obey again and again and again..

This is God's Promise: Presence!

Haggai 1:13-14 (Amplified Bible)

13Then Haggai, the Lord's messenger, spoke the Lord's message to the people saying, I am with you, says the Lord.
    14And the Lord aroused the spirit of Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, and the spirit of all the remnant of the people, so that they came and labored on the house of the Lord of hosts, their God,

This Mother's Day felt very full!  The Lord was loving on me all day long....when Jack woke up early and fixed me breakfast, when Jackson made me a mother's day card, when Jack gave me flowers to wear to church, when the sermon was from Haggai 1,when Jack left church early to go out to the car because he felt terribly sick, when I fed Jackson lunch as he was screaming, when Jack layed on the sofa as I fixed him chicken noodle soup, when Jack's parents came to take us to dinner, and when I washed my yummy tuna steak down with a glass of Riesling.  The whole day..the hard stuff and the joyful stuff..the Lord was with me, for me, and the Lord was glorifed.

For a complete recording of Hal's Haggai sermon click below (it won't be available until May 13th or so):
sermon recordings and worship guides

Saturday, May 8, 2010

mothers day

i always struggle on mother's day...i build it up in my head that it will be a certain way...

if I was making my own mothers day i would have it be like this:

i would wake up to bacon smell in the air, coffee brewing in the kitchen..jackson and jack would come sneaking in and put food on a tray on the bed...corsage at church on my left shoulder ...yummy lunch at my fave restaurant that i didn't have to pick (jack just knew to take me there..)..then nap at home and dinner out at my other fave restaurant with my mohito to wash it all down...never having to make any decisions or lift a finger all day..jack would be kind to me all day.

how it will go:
i fix breakfast, jack complains that he feels sick, jack says happy mothers day, jackson says, "happy", jack presents me with a corsage that i reminded him i wanted and he called to ask me what flower i wanted and how much i wanted him to spend, jack asks where I want to go to lunch, i can't decide and when i finally do decide jack makes a face like that is way too we end up getting in an argument and going home for lunch..i make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while i am stuff food in jackson's mouth so he will stop crying because he is sleepy and ready for a nap, we eat, we finish our argument, we do a mixture of sulking and discussing the rest of the day, jack sweetly asks me where i want to eat for dinner, jack still feels sick, i pick after lots of thinking and weighing...stressed from the long emotional day, i lay my head down on my pillow and think, "i really hate mother's day!"

Thursday, May 6, 2010

insanity is repeating the same action over and over with the same poor results

...just when I think we are doing really well, we have some marital turmoil that is the exact same thing we argued about last time..and I get so discouraged because I thought it was solved the last time we argued about it...augh!!! drives me nuts!  i say the same things i said last fight and he says the same things he said last fight (that he took back and said he didn't mean last time he said them...!!!) and then we end the same way..and i feel like it never gets fixed...i just want a break through..where we actually solve something and move ahead to something different at least. ha!  Anyways, enough about our drama...we are fine now...but I know it will all come up again..even when I think it won't.

last night in small group, we discussed romans 8:31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
   "For your sake we face death all day long;
      we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Why is it that I feel defeated?  I certainly don't feel like a conqueror...I guess i am trying to feel like a conqueror apart from Christ..trying to draw on love that is not Jesus' love..expecting my reward to come in the form of a sturby marriage? not sure.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

let the countdown begin to my weekly monday night trash tv!