update

ok, i know i have to write this post because i have a few friends who actually check this thing and care about the day to day stuff that is happening in the morse family.  Also, I know if i don't type it out now before going to bed, i will compose it in my head for a few hours before falling to sleep.

so here it is. the house that we so wanted..that we could taste...that i had decorated in my head and furnished every room even though i knew the risks..that house was rented out on friday.  the realtor called our realtor while on vacation and told her that they needed to rent out the new house to cover overhead on the property as opposed to acquiring another property (our house) through a trade deal.  our realtor pointed out, it could have been much worse...we could have gotten further into the deal and had a 400.00 inspection only to have them pull out..so we are thankful that they pulled out before the expenses began.

but we are both sad. we both had fallen in love. i know it is the Lord blocking something that is not to be, so that feels good..but then there is a part of me that is really just disappointed.

so the next step..is that we have had a few friends who have asked to rent our house..we are going to look at a few houses that we have spotted while driving around to see if there is any house that is a steal..that would be worth the risks involved with renting our present house out... being ultimately responsible for two properties, freaks me out a lot..but i want to be sure that we explore all possibilties.  if there is no property that jumps out at us, we will keep sitting tight at 123 :)  we will hopefully look at the other houses sometime this week.  will keep you posted.

thanks for praying.

jack had a fever of 102 most of the time...it rained while we were trying to cook dinner..and we had no tarp..i went to put my bathing suit on to swim with jackson in the lake and i left my top at home..thus had to swim topless..but the Lord sustained us..and we actually had a pretty good time! (between jack's motin doses of course..)  God is Good!  He doesn't promise a smooth trip..He just promises that He takes care of His children amidst the bumps :)

oh, and if you want a starter list for a camping trip here is the list i made :) for our night trip...we just wore the same clothes the whole time..so we didn't do a suitcase for clothes and stuff.

List of stuff to bring camping

tents (2)

tarp/hammer for stakes

rain coats

wearing same outfit whole time (can get dirty, hiking shoes)

flip flops-for both

bathing suits/towel/sunscreen

pillows

pads

tooth brush

acid reflux, tums, zyrtec, motrin

bible

chairs

sleeping bags

mats

bug spray

flash lights

Jackson:

pack-n-play

blanket

book/bulletin

night clothes

sleep toy

raincoat

biocorneum

food:

2cups of milk-jackson

oatmeal/raisins

spoon/fork/bowls/cups/plates-for all, picnic bag thing

water cup

hotdogs/buns/ketchup/beans

marshmallows/graham/chocolate

fruit

eggs, bacon, coffee, splenda, milk

water bottles

beer

orange juice

trash bag

dish soap scrub brush

towel

pot

stove/propane tanks/lighter/kindle

citronella candles

wipes

can opener/egg spatula/bacon tongs/fire metal sticks

toilet paper

chairs

whew! i had all of this stuff i was planning to write..and then it took like 20 hours to get the pictures arranged how i wanted them..so now i have no energy left..next time i will just link you to facebook and just post one picture to the blog..it is NOT easy posting pictures on this blog..anyone have any helpful tips..let me know!  Above and below is the campsite.  

jackson's very first camping trip..he stayed in one tent and jack and i in the other..he slept in his pack and play.  This is Big Hart Campground in Thomson GA. Near augusta, ga.  Beautiful sites..love the lake and the playground :)

jackson loved the lake, too :) and loved the boats that would go by every now and then.  Thank you, God for the lake..in the 24 hours we were there it was cloudy, rainy, sunny, dusky..and the lake was GORGEOUS the whole time!

jackson and daddy skipping stones

this is jackson in his tent..at 7am..clearly ready to play.   he loved being outside for 24 hours!  now i am stopping this post because posting picture on this blog is a nightmare!!! enjoy the pictures..you may never see this many on a post again ;) ha!

my wealth

being known
water rushing off of a cliff
sweat dripping down my face and legs during an intense workout
God whispers and I hear amidst the chaos
waves crashing on the shoreline
thought completes itself, makes sense and serves a purpose
mountains reaching for heaven
a song and worship unite and cause tears and chill your skin with bumps
anticipation of meeting your forever son inside of your body...his movement before he is outside.
jackson puts his arms around my neck and nuzzles his nose into that space between my shoulder and my ear
laughing until i pee a little
making a list and completing it
a cup of coffee, a book, and a chair
worry and fear enveloping me, jack holding me close in the darkness
thunderstorm outside with a book inside
fire in the fireplace..cold outside..jack.
water flowing around rocks in a stream
baby taking his first breath of air..laid on my chest...slimy...screaming...ours.

1 Chronicles 29:12-14 (New International Version)

 ¹² Wealth and honor come from you; 

       you are the ruler of all things. 

       In your hands are strength and power 

       to exalt and give strength to all.

 ¹³ Now, our God, we give you thanks, 

       and praise your glorious name.

 ¹⁴ "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? 

Everything comes from you..

my friend, kels...posed a question on her blog that made me want to write...so instead of just answering on her blog. decided to post here.

question: 

what makes you feel alive?

monkey worship

jackson and me in the living room sitting hunched over a plastic noah's ark..

can you find the animals that go in the boat, jackson.

"i do, mommy" he says with excited eyes looking around the room

i hear the thumping of toddler feet running around the house on hardwoods

he returns again and again to our spot in the living room with more plastic ark animals

a tiger...thump, thump, thump, thump

a sheep, a horse, a girraffe...saying each animal name as he runs them to the boat.

after 5 minutes or so, only one empty space remained on the boat.

what is missing, jackson?

"a moona" he yells..

the monkey is his favorite animal on the ark

he runs into his room

he runs back into the livingroom with sad eyes

"mommy, hep me" he laments

ok, mommy will help you look for the monkey

he grabs my hand and leads me into his room

i immediately notice a book laying on top of something on the floor

i pick up the book and there a plastic noah's ark monkey lays as if hiding from toddler eyes

jackson immediately grabs the monkey and holds it close

"moona, moona, mommy!  daddy, moona, moona!"

he jumps around into the hallway, then the dining room, then ends his victory dance in the livingroom, plopping down by the ark

i reach for the monkey to place it in the correct position on the ark

"no mommy, no! moona, moona! mine! jaxn, moona, mommy!" tears, snatches, anger

immediately I see it. i see myself..i see the child whose joyfulness, excitement, and thankfulness...turned to monkey worship.

Jonah's prayer from the belly of a whale:

 ⁷ "When my life was ebbing away,
       I remembered you, LORD,
       and my prayer rose to you,
       to your holy temple.
 ⁸ "Those who cling to worthless idols
       forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
 ⁹ But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
       will sacrifice to you.
       What I have vowed I will make good.
       Salvation comes from the LORD."Jonah 2:7-9 (New International Version)

Lord, i see me. i see me in my son. i see that i am holding tightly to the things of this world...the ideals of this world...i see that i want control. i see that i want it bad enough to ignore You and ignore the things You are teaching me. Lord, give me a song of thanksgiving...give me a heart of sacrifice...

update

for those of you at the edge of your seat waiting to hear about whether we will be trading houses any time soon...

We are going to take a week to pray and be sure this is what the Lord would have us do.

Will update again after our hiatus :)

"great" news?

I receive "Joni and Friends Daily Devotional" in my inbox every morning. This is what I was greeted with this morning. I will comment at the end of this selection copied straight from the email subscription that Joni sends:




Joni and Friends Daily Devotional


August 19

Dear Heather,

Life Ain't Easy

"We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God."
- Acts 14:22

Everyone who takes the Bible seriously, and many who don't, agree that God hates suffering. Jesus spent much of his short life relieving it. Scores of passages tell us to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, visit inmates, and speak up for the helpless. When we feel compassion for people in distress, we know that God felt it first. He shows this by raising sick people from their beds sometimes to the wonder of doctors, in answer to prayer. Every day he grants childless women babies, pulls small business owners out of financial pits, protects Alzheimer's patients crossing the street, and writes happy endings to sad situations. Even when he has to punish sin, he says it gives him no pleasure (Ezekiel18:32). In heaven, Eden's curse will be canceled. Sighs and longings will be historical curiosities. Tears will evaporate. Tissue companies will go broke.

But it simply doesn't follow that God's only relationship to suffering is to relieve it. He specifically says that all who follow him can expect hardship. But didn't Jesus hang on a cross so we wouldn't have to suffer hell? Yes, but not so we wouldn't have to suffer here on earth. Listen to the Bible on this:

"I will show [Paul] how much he must suffer for my name" (Acts 9:16).

"For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ... to suffer for him... " (Philippians 1:29).

The Bible goes even further. After calling Christians "heirs of God and co heirs with Christ" it adds "if indeed we share in his sufferings." In other words, no one goes to Christ's heaven who doesn't first share Christ's sufferings. Do you think you should be exempt from suffering? Listen to this final word from Hebrews 5:8, "Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered..." This week, purpose in your heart to be no greater than your Master. If he suffered, you can expect it too.

* * * * *

What "GREAT" news right?
Thinking about all of my friends who are suffering right now...cancer, infertility, miscarriages, marital issues, divorce, terminally ill children, and other such sufferings...I not only want to make all of my friend's problems disappear, maybe even pray them away with a prayer that sounds something like, "Dearest Lord, please take away their hardship and suffering..." but I also want to pray a prayer that sounds something like this, "and dear Lord, PLEASE NOT ME! don't let any of these terrible things happen to our family."

I cringe...we are going through an exciting time right now with being on the verge of selling our house, having a healthy toddler who is a joy right now, having a marriage that has its problems but is, for the most part, a joy...but the Christian life is a life where we learn from what we suffer. Because we are such flawed folk, we don't turn to Christ when we don't feel like we need Him. We don't lean on Him, when we think our lives are going well.

So the great news sounds something like this: He who has the Son has life. He who does not have the Son does not have life. 1 John 5:12 Period. Not, He who has the Son and an easy life and an obedient child and a compassionate husband and a nice house and no stray grays has life. He who has the Son has life. He who does not have the Son does not have life. 1 John 5:12

Praise be to God that You are all we need. Will you help me to really believe this is true?

James1:2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

randomness

whenever my friend, julie (a fervent blog follower), writes me an email and asks me questions, i know that i am slacking on my blog :) sorry, julie :)

house update:

  

we are looking into trading our house.  jack heard about it somewhere and we asked our Realtor to send out a feeler to other realtors if there was anyone who wanted to buy our house and we would buy their house...a move that folks do who want out of a mortgage payment who have moved on and need a smaller monthly payment...she found a builder who is building in a subdivision who wants to sell his most recent completed house, so he can continue with the neighborhood. we went to look at the house and loved it! 

it may be ours one day soon..or it may just be a step in this crazy process..that is definitely not being driven by us...the Lord is at work in all of this..and we want nothing more than to follow Him. I would LOVE to be able to settle into this forever home..but He knows the plans He has for us..and His are always way better than ours.

jackson boo boo update:

when jackson got his stitches out the wound was infected...yucky. since, he has healed up nicely.  we have been using vitamin e on it and sunscreen..but we are beginning biocorneum treatments which is a silocone layer that makes the scar protected and even with spf to keep it colored well.  thanks to ruthie (jack's mom)..her dermatologist suggested it.  she is paying for it, so we will try it.

biocorneum website

wife update:

being a wife is HARD..i have felt the Lord really calling me to be a praying wife.  praying that imperfect jack will lead us well..and having faith that the Lord will use Him in his imperfections to give God glory...praying that the Lord would change me..that I would focus more on myself and my relationship with God and not as much on Jack and the things he should be doing or not doing.  i also think i would desire jack with more passion, if I weren't so focussed on his faults and shortcomings...and be more focussed on the Lord and what He is doing in and around me. i also want to have faith that the Lord changes His children in His own time..so that I don't feel so hopeless in my internal struggles and marital struggles.

i admit i love myself way more than i love anything else..and loving any other way is a great struggle.  but God can and will LOVE His way, unconditionally and unselfishly, through these filthy rags. pray that for me and for us.

(oh and you can pray for jackson too, he started crying in the middle of this blog (at 11pm) and i went in and took his temp..he was HOT..102.04...)