The Morse Family

Beyond Me

Beyond Me

Sunday, January 27, 2013

as jack is sick

jack has been struggling with a stomach issue for the past few isn't severe pain, but it is ongoing and it has been maddening for him. His struggle is very much physical, but it is equally spiritual.  A struggle of trying to just change the circumstance...getting online and googling things, looking for answers, examining symptoms as they change hourly, lots of brain and heart time going to wanting to get rid of the ongoing pain..and not a lot of time and energy going to falling into Christ, thus not a lot of energy for anyone or anything else in his life. Thus stress.

As Jack complains, I want him to complain to Christ.  It stresses me out as he comes to me for support that I just can't seem to give...Ultimately, I want to ask him if he is ok and I want him to say, "yes, the pain is gone." or even "yes, the Lord is my strength even when I am in pain." I want him to stop googling things. I want him to stop obsessing about his pain. I want to see him reading the Word.  I want to hear how he is discovering his selfishness and learning about his sin. I want him to be sharing his struggle with other men...learning from it...growing from it.  Seeing none of that or just a little of that makes me stress....makes me worry...makes me want to shake him...

However, this post isn't really about Jack...well, partly..but mostly it is just about me and my sin struggle. It is easy and convenient to hide behind Jack.  Jack's stuff is glaring, my stuff is more hidden.

Just this morning it hit me again, as it has hit me before and before...
my idol comes out of hiding for a split second and I catch a glimpse of it's ugly face...
It looks like this "IF jack could only trust in Christ, then I could feel safe."
Just as my hearts desire is for Jack to be content in Christ, as He struggles with this pain and for him to have joy in Christ as he is heart and my ok-ness in Christ shouldn't depend on Jack's dependence and ok-ness.  I want to be content in Christ, as Jack struggles with this pain. I want to have joy in Christ as Jack is sick.

It feels very much like a battle...a very frustrating battle that I can't win. Maybe even multiple battles that I can't win. Jack Vs. Health, Jack Vs. Christ, Me Vs. Jack, Me Vs. Health, ...stress increases...the battle continues. However, God's word, tells of a different reality.  The reality is that there was a battle.  It was Christ vs. Satan....Christ won. Satan is defeated. Christ wins on behalf of Jack..Christ wins on behalf of me..Christ wins on behalf of all of His Children.  Christ wins. Just as Christ has already won, he will win over and over again in our lives.  As we suffer through trials, we suffer with the knowledge that He will win.

Lord, let this be my prayer.

Psalm 3

A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.

Lord, how many are my foes!

    How many rise up against me!

Many are saying of me,
    “God will not deliver him.[b]
But you, Lord, are a shield around me,

    my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

I call out to the Lord,
    and he answers me from his holy mountain.
I lie down and sleep;

    I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

I will not fear though tens of thousands
    assail me on every side.
Arise, Lord!

    Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
    break the teeth of the wicked.
From the Lord comes deliverance.

    May your blessing be on your people.

As Jack is sick, i struggle, and the Lord wins.


  1. Hey, Heather! We'll be praying for Jack - and you - as you struggle through this. Stomach issues suck. I struggled for a while with the fact that certain forms of lactose are either out of my life for good or going to cause extended sharp pain. I think one of the good things of this kind of pain is that God gives us a chance once again to realize he put a lot of moving parts inside of us that we usually just forget about or assume are always going to work correctly until something happens. It's an invisible mystery most of the time!

  2. what a good reminder of all the 'ifs' that i make for God and the ways that i try to deflect my own sin and unbelief onto others, most notably my husband. thanks for being willing to share. i needed to both be called out and pointed back to Christ.
    -Jenny (P.) L.