"We must reserve in our hearts a sanctuary of love for Jesus Christ--a sanctuary from which everything but trust in Him and love for Him is barred."
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
as jack is sick
jack has been struggling with a stomach issue for the past few months..it isn't severe pain, but it is ongoing and it has been maddening for him. His struggle is very much physical, but it is equally spiritual. A struggle of trying to just change the circumstance...getting online and googling things, looking for answers, examining symptoms as they change hourly, lots of brain and heart time going to wanting to get rid of the ongoing pain..and not a lot of time and energy going to falling into Christ, thus not a lot of energy for anyone or anything else in his life. Thus stress.
As Jack complains, I want him to complain to Christ. It stresses me out as he comes to me for support that I just can't seem to give...Ultimately, I want to ask him if he is ok and I want him to say, "yes, the pain is gone." or even "yes, the Lord is my strength even when I am in pain." I want him to stop googling things. I want him to stop obsessing about his pain. I want to see him reading the Word. I want to hear how he is discovering his selfishness and learning about his sin. I want him to be sharing his struggle with other men...learning from it...growing from it. Seeing none of that or just a little of that makes me stress....makes me worry...makes me want to shake him...
However, this post isn't really about Jack...well, partly..but mostly it is just about me and my sin struggle. It is easy and convenient to hide behind Jack. Jack's stuff is glaring, my stuff is more hidden.
Just this morning it hit me again, as it has hit me before and before...
my idol comes out of hiding for a split second and I catch a glimpse of it's ugly face...
It looks like this "IF jack could only trust in Christ, then I could feel safe."
Just as my hearts desire is for Jack to be content in Christ, as He struggles with this pain and for him to have joy in Christ as he is sick...my heart and my ok-ness in Christ shouldn't depend on Jack's dependence and ok-ness. I want to be content in Christ, as Jack struggles with this pain. I want to have joy in Christ as Jack is sick.
It feels very much like a battle...a very frustrating battle that I can't win. Maybe even multiple battles that I can't win. Jack Vs. Health, Jack Vs. Christ, Me Vs. Jack, Me Vs. Health, ...stress increases...the battle continues. However, God's word, tells of a different reality. The reality is that there was a battle. It was Christ vs. Satan....Christ won. Satan is defeated. Christ wins on behalf of Jack..Christ wins on behalf of me..Christ wins on behalf of all of His Children. Christ wins. Just as Christ has already won, he will win over and over again in our lives. As we suffer through trials, we suffer with the knowledge that He will win.
Lord, let this be my prayer.
As Jack is sick, i struggle, and the Lord wins.
As Jack complains, I want him to complain to Christ. It stresses me out as he comes to me for support that I just can't seem to give...Ultimately, I want to ask him if he is ok and I want him to say, "yes, the pain is gone." or even "yes, the Lord is my strength even when I am in pain." I want him to stop googling things. I want him to stop obsessing about his pain. I want to see him reading the Word. I want to hear how he is discovering his selfishness and learning about his sin. I want him to be sharing his struggle with other men...learning from it...growing from it. Seeing none of that or just a little of that makes me stress....makes me worry...makes me want to shake him...
However, this post isn't really about Jack...well, partly..but mostly it is just about me and my sin struggle. It is easy and convenient to hide behind Jack. Jack's stuff is glaring, my stuff is more hidden.
Just this morning it hit me again, as it has hit me before and before...
my idol comes out of hiding for a split second and I catch a glimpse of it's ugly face...
It looks like this "IF jack could only trust in Christ, then I could feel safe."
Just as my hearts desire is for Jack to be content in Christ, as He struggles with this pain and for him to have joy in Christ as he is sick...my heart and my ok-ness in Christ shouldn't depend on Jack's dependence and ok-ness. I want to be content in Christ, as Jack struggles with this pain. I want to have joy in Christ as Jack is sick.
It feels very much like a battle...a very frustrating battle that I can't win. Maybe even multiple battles that I can't win. Jack Vs. Health, Jack Vs. Christ, Me Vs. Jack, Me Vs. Health, ...stress increases...the battle continues. However, God's word, tells of a different reality. The reality is that there was a battle. It was Christ vs. Satan....Christ won. Satan is defeated. Christ wins on behalf of Jack..Christ wins on behalf of me..Christ wins on behalf of all of His Children. Christ wins. Just as Christ has already won, he will win over and over again in our lives. As we suffer through trials, we suffer with the knowledge that He will win.
Lord, let this be my prayer.
Psalm 3
A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.
1
Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
2
Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.”[b]
3
But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
4
I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.
5
I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
6
I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side.
7
Arise, Lord!
Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
8
From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Thoughts on December12/january13
So. Many. Thoughts.
Join me in a stream of consciousness:
From RyJ's very first playdate with the little girl down the street, also new to the neighborhood....a family I am excited to get to know...an impromptu zoo trip that ended in a really sweet meaningful time surprise visiting the boys grandfather, ie. p-ca at his firm in atl that he will soon be retiring from...cookie swap with my retired teacher friends I taught with six or more years ago....Christmas at our house with a birthday party for Jesus that ended in a band party w Jackson's new musical instruments and Jack's family and my mom singing and banging toy percussion instruments...a very enjoyable adult trip to downtown Savannah w lots of yummy eating, a savannah theatre show, and a carriage ride historic tour. We slept at a beautifully charming b&b...nye and ny was spent at sea island w family, lots of oysters, dancing, brushing shoulders with the former uga gym dawgs coach, and drinking one too many alcohol units..which I later regretted for more reasons than not making it to see the fireworks at midnight...the time ended with a very fun bike ride to a yogurt shop 5 miles from the beach house and back..during which I found myself thankful to God for our family health that allowed us to ride and making the time to be a unit, together, enjoying one another outside.
Ok so that is the picture captions. *see pictures in previous post* But the pictures don't tell the heart of its subjects. Before December started, I read a book that Jack was reading called "Hole in our Holiness". What I took away from it is that Holiness isn't an option for a believer, it is a reality. Everywhere we go and everything we do, we are representing. We are His. We are about His work in each of our worlds. So I spent some time on vacation wondering exactly how that translates for our family in our different roles..ie. during our travels/vacations, while we interact with neighbors, in our relations with each other, as we take time with the boys..etc... I also spent some time reading Philippians to get ready to study it for WBS. I read a sermon on Philippians 1 called "to live is Christ to die is gain." do I live like this? I am challenged by the holy book and the Philippians sermon. Do I live like my only reason for being here is Christ? My time is His. My friendships are His. My body is His. Do I live with no concern for what the world thinks? Do I expect to be set apart from this world..set for His appointments?
I pray that I will more and more. That my family will, too. It is possible on this side of heaven to see holiness...not perfectly holy..but increasingly holy.
Join me in a stream of consciousness:
From RyJ's very first playdate with the little girl down the street, also new to the neighborhood....a family I am excited to get to know...an impromptu zoo trip that ended in a really sweet meaningful time surprise visiting the boys grandfather, ie. p-ca at his firm in atl that he will soon be retiring from...cookie swap with my retired teacher friends I taught with six or more years ago....Christmas at our house with a birthday party for Jesus that ended in a band party w Jackson's new musical instruments and Jack's family and my mom singing and banging toy percussion instruments...a very enjoyable adult trip to downtown Savannah w lots of yummy eating, a savannah theatre show, and a carriage ride historic tour. We slept at a beautifully charming b&b...nye and ny was spent at sea island w family, lots of oysters, dancing, brushing shoulders with the former uga gym dawgs coach, and drinking one too many alcohol units..which I later regretted for more reasons than not making it to see the fireworks at midnight...the time ended with a very fun bike ride to a yogurt shop 5 miles from the beach house and back..during which I found myself thankful to God for our family health that allowed us to ride and making the time to be a unit, together, enjoying one another outside.
Ok so that is the picture captions. *see pictures in previous post* But the pictures don't tell the heart of its subjects. Before December started, I read a book that Jack was reading called "Hole in our Holiness". What I took away from it is that Holiness isn't an option for a believer, it is a reality. Everywhere we go and everything we do, we are representing. We are His. We are about His work in each of our worlds. So I spent some time on vacation wondering exactly how that translates for our family in our different roles..ie. during our travels/vacations, while we interact with neighbors, in our relations with each other, as we take time with the boys..etc... I also spent some time reading Philippians to get ready to study it for WBS. I read a sermon on Philippians 1 called "to live is Christ to die is gain." do I live like this? I am challenged by the holy book and the Philippians sermon. Do I live like my only reason for being here is Christ? My time is His. My friendships are His. My body is His. Do I live with no concern for what the world thinks? Do I expect to be set apart from this world..set for His appointments?
I pray that I will more and more. That my family will, too. It is possible on this side of heaven to see holiness...not perfectly holy..but increasingly holy.
December 2012
I am posting this blog from a blogger app on my iPhone. This is the first time I have posted this way. Not sure how the pictures are going to post with the content.
This is December in pictures. I will post thoughts separately..here.
This is December in pictures. I will post thoughts separately..here.
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| biked 10 miles with the boys in tow! what a great way to end the fun! praise God for healthy bodies that c |
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