now that I got your attention, emotional nakedness is what I speak of..
I don't know if you remember this post...well, that day at the UGA game when I was uncomfortable with the outfit I had chosen and the body that was under the ugly outfit...repeated itself (sort of like that movie, Groundhog Day) many days before that day in September and many days after that day in september...The day would usually start with me looking in the full body mirror that is situated in my closet at outfit after outfit as I tore the fourth shirt off of my head because the second pair of jeans that I squeezed into wouldn't work with THAT shirt because it was too tight and you could see my muffin top..need a bigger shirt..no, need a bigger pair of pants..well, maybe that fourth shirt will work with this third pair of pants? blood pressure rising..sweat begins to form on my forehead..you get me, I know you do..although, I pray you don't...and you never have to endure such a struggle in your closet.
I looked at my reflection..at my eyes as they searched for just one thing..just one thing that would look amazing..and I remember in my subconscious thinking, "Lord, just take this extra weight away! Please, I know I never thought twice about what I was wearing before when I was slim..I just threw something on..Lord, make me back the way I was when I was confident!"
35 of the 40 pounds are finally gone!!! Celebration!!! Praise God! Thank you Lord for helping me fit back into my skinny jeans!! Thank you for helping me to survive bathing suit shopping at target!! Thank you for helping me look great in my small t-shirts again! Problems solved, right?!
Wrong. I am here from the slimmer side to share some truth. It.didn't.go.away. The problem looks different, but it didn't go away. Tonight, I was sitting in the tub, where my two boys don't join me..therefore, where most of my thinking happens..This is the part that is hardest to type..the part where I get naked..and talk about my "now" thoughts.
Thoughts: "Thank you Lord for my body..I can actually look at it now without being critical..only 5 more pounds to lose..thank you for that fitness pal app on the iphone..maybe I will write a journal entry about how great it is...thank you for providing friends that support me and help me on my weight loss journey..and walk with me..and inspire me to look great...i look great...i hope i can maintain this weight..i actually fit into ALL of my clothes..I feel sexy...and on and on and on...more of the same thoughts about my body, my clothes, my progress, my runs, my pace times, my ...."
Getting healthy is great! My Fitness Pal app is genius! Whoever thought of it deserves a prestigious award! Looking great in jeans is a definite perk..BUT where is the room in my streaming thoughts for what is eternal?
Laying in bed tonight, I read a really applicable chapter in Whiter Than Snow: Meditations on Sin and Mercy by Paul David Tripp (thanks God!)..The whole book is focused around Psalm 51.
(a little background)
Psalm 51 is a psalm about how God meets David (and us) in his moment of greatest sin (watching Bathsheba bathe, taking her to bed with him, killing her husband...etc...--you couldn't get content this juicy on your juiciest Bachelor episode..) and transforms Him (and us) by His amazing Grace.
So after David has confessed to God all of His putrid sin, he ends his prayer with a prayer for prosperity..The really applicable chapter that I read tonight. Chapter 16 The Gospel of Prosperity is a chapter that focuses in on the following verses:
Psalm 51:18-19
New International Version (NIV)
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
New International Version (NIV)
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
David isn't requesting to look great in His skinny jeans..so that he can get dressed in the morning without emotional distress..He doesn't even pray for the Zion to prosper so that it will be a nation that needs no God interventions...what he requests is not a prayer for personal or social prosperity. He has lived a selfish existence..and he has been changed by the living God. David is asking for God to prosper His nation, so that they will begin living for God's kingdom and God's glory.
My idol is my body. When I am fat, I obsess about it. When I am not fat, I obsess about it. I can't take it with me when I die. It won't help my friends know Jesus, when they see me looking HOT in my size 2 jeans (a girl can still dream..lol)...
It is here that I must repent of worshiping what is not the Living God. Turn away from thoughts of me. I am nothing without Christ. My sin is obvious before me, before you, before Him..
Matthew 6:19 (NLT)
“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[d] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[d] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
It is my hope and prayer that as I confess my sin to you..you will read words that sound familiar. That maybe, if you haven't already, you will begin to see your own sin. What is your answer for sin? Does it have a place in the way you think about life? My answer for sin can be found in Scripture...in the person of Jesus Christ. He took my sin (and your sin) upon Himself on a wooden cross..committed his spirit into the hands of Satan.. ascended into Hell...and defeated death..rose from death..is the only one who can defeat sin and death..and my idol is no surprise to Him.
He loves me.
without condition.
