idol

went to the uga game this past saturday..at first i just thought i picked the wrong outfit...and maybe I did.  it was a maternity jean skirt, a red striped shirt under a black maternity shirt..the skirt is a little long for my liking..the maternity shirt is...well, a maternity shirt..then I had on my most comfy tennis shoes because we were going to be walking miles and miles up and down hills to get from our free parking spot 40 miles from the stadium..hey, we saved 30 bucks.  anyways, i digress.

so all day i felt...like a tightly rolled sausage..but my clothes weren't tight..i was hot..and i just felt really unusually uncomfortable in my own skin...that is really the only way i know to explain the feeling. and it lasted ALL DAY LONG..couldn't stop thinking about the awkwardness..obsessing about the tennis shoes, obsessing about the skirt length, looking in every store window downtown so i could see my reflection in hopes that i would catch a glimpse of myself and suddenly be ok with the reflection looking back at me, i wasn't, wanting to grow wings and fly home really quick and change..what was i thinking when i picked this outfit..why did i choose tennis shoes..

are you getting the picture?

on my way to the bathroom during the game..thinking about how dorky i looked and how ugly i felt..it hit me. God hit me upside the head with his gentle whisper.  It sounded something like this:
"heather, you are beautiful, perfectly made to do the job I have for you today. your problem is not your shoes, but your heart. repent. turn away from thinking only of yourself and how you look..you are here on this earth to bring me glory. how can you do that if you are always downgrading the woman i have created...how can you think about others, if all of your brain time is taken up thinking about your image, this life is not about you, your tennis shoes, your too long skirt, your maternity skirt, your reflection in the shop window, your discomfort with your body...this life is about Me and My kingdom. spreading the Gospel so people can know Me, be loved by Me, spend an eternity with Me. "

I don't need a comment telling me how beautiful i am, how you don't understand why i would ever think badly about myself..the truth is, as my friend Jenna so eloquently put it, "even if you are skinny and beautiful..the only reason you aren't obsessing is because you are proud of yourself and your look.." another sin.

my prayer is that the Lord would change my heart from a heart that worships itself..
"if only i had a different outfit on i would feel better today..i wouldn't think about me as much.." <---that is a LIE!  a lie that keeps me from living the life that God desires for me.
...to a heart that worships its creator.