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for those of you who may not know me personally, thinking too much about myself and and my body is the chief sin that i struggle with..looks like me having to repent many times in a day..repenting when i pass a mirror, repenting when i see an outfit i don't like, repenting when i spend lots of time thinking about what i am going to wear, repenting when i feel devastation because i missed a workout...it manifests itself in so many ways..i am repenting lots.

yesterday a new woman joined my table at women's bible study. she rolled into study in an electronic wheel chair with the biggest smile and sparkle in her eyes. she had on a pink "i love Jesus" hat..that she  quickly placed on her lap when she approached the table. her big smile brought joy to our table and also made me think too long about the teeth that her smile revealed. very crooked, very nasty teeth. i couldn't look at her face when i talked to her because i was afraid i would stare into her mouth too much. i tried to make small talk though. i wanted her to feel comfortable at our table, since i am the table leader that is kind of my job. everything i said, she smiled. with every smile was joy...and teeth. a constant internal reminder to me that i am God's child because i recognize His presence, but i am a wretched sinner because i can't look at yucky teeth.

the woman spoke none. she smiled lots. at one point during our study she pushed her scooter button to go in reverse to try to reach her slipper that had fallen off of her foot onto the floor.  without thinking, i reached down and grabbed the very dirty, very stinky slipper and put it on her very dirty, very stinky foot.  it was clear that she could not reach her feet easily. with that itty bitty act of service, i felt the Lord's presence very strongly inside of my body.

during prayer requests at the end of the study, she spoke. "feet...good...doctor...very good...feet..you know." is what she said.  with each word there was long pause and her eyes watered as if she was trying with all of her body to make her words come together and make sense.  at this point, another lady at the table explained to us that this woman had had a stroke and had trouble with speech and stringing words together.

we bowed our heads to pray..it is a popcorn style prayer where women at the table take turns praying for one another. after a few of the other women at the table prayed, the woman began to pray.

"Father...you know...love...women...pray...Father...you know...love....Father...love."

i knew the moment that she got the first word out of her soul into the room, that many tears were about to flow from my soul. i began to cry and after the first tear rolled down my cheek, the large amount of tears began to wash my face, my shirt, and my pants.  the Lord used her prayer mightily in my innermost being. her prayer was cleansing to me.

she lacked every worldly idol to which i cling. her testimony had power. her joy was overwhelming.

My Father is alive.  His plans are perfect.  He is always at work.