hearts made to be fixed

two months ago jackson's love was "choo, choo gone" (a mixture of the words choo choo train and chuggington-a choo choo cartoon on tv), last month it became "george" (curious george), right now he is crazy about "autor" (Arthur is an aardvark on channel 8 at 5pm)...He goes nuts over "ball, ball" s of any kind. whether it is foot balls or tennis balls or golf balls, makes no difference to him..he loves pizza. in fact we can't say that word or he won't stop fixating on it until he has to have it.  anytime i want to divert his attention, all i have to do is mention one of the above obsessions and he immediately stops what he is doing and runs to find the said item.

today while sitting and listening to him as he looked through his toddler bible, pointing to every circular object and saying, "ball, ball....ball, ball....ball, ball"...this thought occurred to me.  Our hearts, from birth, are created with a need to be "fixed" upon something.

my heart, as a seeker, wanders from thing to thing searching to find, desperate to find, will do anything to find that thing it is looking for...things give it pleasure in the moment only to disappoint after the moment has passed.

my heart has been found, claimed...it has no need to seek.  it belongs to Jesus. He fills it with living water that never runs dry (john 7:38)..He never ultimately disappoints.

yet, i keep living as a seeker...i keep wandering..i keep dabbling in the things of this world that will never satisfy.  Lord, forgive me for my unbelief in your unlimited provisions...forgive me for worshiping other idols that are not You. show me how to repent, and talk to my child about our unbelief and Your unconditional love that never runs dry...that jackson's heart, that my heart, may be fixed upon You.

^{Deut 11:16} Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. ¹⁷Then the LORD's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce, and you will soon perish from the good land the LORD is giving you.¹⁸ Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ¹⁹ Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ²⁰ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, ²¹ so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

natural family planning

if you really don't like the looks of the subject line, if the word "condom" makes you uncomfortable, if other random folks talking about their sex lives makes you squirm..maybe this journal entry is too much info for you..just don't read on :)

ok, so now that I got your attention...i will say that this method of birth control is certainly not for everyone...like say if you and your spouse really really never want to have another baby or if your cycle is crazy unpredictable. but we have been doing this nfp since jackson was born and i have to say there is something to it. for those of you who have no idea what i am speaking of..
according to ask.com "Natural family planning is when a couple tracks menstrual cycles, to determine when not to have sexual relations. They can track the period of ovulation and abstain from sexual intercourse during that time. Look here for more information:


http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/women/contraceptive/126.html

i will tell you what WE are doing. my cycle is very predictable and I can feel ovulation..it happens on as early as day 10 and lasts about 3 days...and given that sperm can live in the body up to 5 days..we use condoms day 5-day19 (day one being the first day of my period) and we don't use condoms day 20-day 4. so, less technically, we don't use condoms half of the month..

some things i really like about this
-jack is a daily kind of sex guy..and prefers no condom..so i get a little bit of a break on the condom half of the month..
-i like condom sex because it is less messy and less painful..so i get about 15 days of what i prefer
-jack really looks forward to the other 15 days which makes for a little something for him to look forward to/savor..which makes for more sparks in the bedroom that other 15 days
-jack saying "isn't it day 20 yet?"
-The Lord could intervene and give us a surprise pregnancy..whereas with hormone therapy, i felt like it was all up to us to decide when to start trying to get pregnant..which seemed like a lot of pressure.
-i am not on hormone therapy my whole adult life
-i don't have to spend 40 buckeroos a month on the ring (which i loved..if you ever want a form of contraception that you never have to think about, or remember to take)
-don't have to get that feeling in my stomach when i see those commercials on tv about blood clots and hormone therapy
-i enjoy the days leading up to my period..i like the idea and excitement that i may be pregnant..and then i get freaked out thinking that i may be pregnant as my period date gets closer..then i accept that i may be pregnant..then hurray, i am not pregnant and i get so pumped..as i work through this roller coaster of emotions for a couple of days every month, the Lord is slowly getting me used to the idea of maybe being pregnant one day in the far off future...lol

here is the new place we will laugh and cry and swap stories..glad to have you here with me, friend.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25