reflection

ok...so going over the last couple of posts in my mind as i fed my 8m old at 330a to try to get the teething boy to calm down..i thought..."i hope i am not giving off an 'ive got it all figured out' vibe to my reader...cute hair, fun activities with jackson, no struggles...etc.

please don't go there...and if you have already gone there, please repent.

cute hair because i was obsessing about myself...couldn't stop thinking about it getting too poofy..vanity.

fun activities because about a week ago jack asked if i thought jackson was bored at home and needed more structure...knife to chest motion...decided to amp up the activity level to one learning thing per day..nothing 'mom of the year' worthy.

no struggles? i wish...right now the one that is on my mind is the struggle of wanting to be 'easy to swallow' vs. wanting to be the bearer of the Gospel.  my struggle is, do i ever really speak truth?..and when i don't speak truth, i wonder if it was a correct time to hold back..then thinking that all of this gospel spreading is dependent on me..of course the Lord doesn't need me to speak His word, but He is choosing to use me...sinner me...imperfect me...scared me...so i ruin the joy that goes with friendships by over-analyzing some seconds and under-speaking other seconds..


Romans 12:11-13
11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.