i have been getting lots of "how are you feeling?" questions since i am 31weeks preg..and look very belly heavy...have gained more with this one by 30 weeks than I had gained with jackson by now...oh, well. i am thinking it prob because of three vacations in the past three months and only exercising 2 days a week..with jackson i had walking buds and walked almost every day.
how am i feeling.
i am trying not to feel...because when i do feel, i feel scared and sad.
scared because i am not wanting to find out what it is like to be a mom of two boys. scared because our morse life has just gotten in the groove of a fun family..who enjoys one another, can travel without severe stress in the back seat, can go to restaurants without hearing much whining and crying, can enjoy time away from jackson without worrying that he is being ruined by his grands...etc..
sad because this may be the last pregnancy. jack is sold on the number two...and honestly the number three freaks me out a lot...but I love being pregnant, i love feeling the kicks, i love letting that belly hang out and not having to give excuses, i love having an excuse to nap during the day and minimize my schedule...i love being a mom of a baby belly. sad because I love nursing babies...i am sure i could think of other things to be sad about, but just typing this all out is painful, so i will stop here.
i am ready to feel some excitement, some anticipation, some readiness...some trust and rest in the truth that the Lord has the perfect plan for our family..and there is no need to be scared or sad since He is in charge.
Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
I hear ya, girl. But don't worry. It will all work out. You're a good momma and you'll be absolutely crazy about this tiny baby - be it girl or another boy! And I do have to add that #2 is WAY easier to handle. (It's just that #1 does a bit of regressing...and that kinda sucks.)
ReplyDeletei know exactly what you mean, heather, when you say that the idea of 3 freaks you out, but only having 2 makes you a little sad. me, too! and also the part about how you have just reached the stage with jackson where things start to be easier and really fun. maybe i can relate so well because our kids are spaced about the same as yours, and we had just hit that point with Will, too, when Lily was born.
ReplyDeletei will say, it wasn't so hard at first with Lily, since we just took her everywhere we went and kept doing what we were doing with Will. it has been getting a little harder lately now that she's out of that stage where you just feed her, change her and leave her with anyone because she's oblivious anyway. the girl has a mind of her own and we do have to accommodate her more now that she's a little person in her own right. so, the good news is that the adjustment was gradual, but the hard part is that, you're right--it is more limiting to have two once #2 gets a little older.
i'll be praying for you, friend. you're certainly not alone in how you're feeling!
and also (sorry to dominate your blog!), on a good day, i remind myself that this stage with 2 is just a stage. there will be a day, God willing, when we reach the fun and easier stage with BOTH of our children! and then, i'll be glad they're able to share those times together :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE BEING THE MOM OF TWO BOYS! It really is wonderful...I promise! You know I would tell you like it is! I am not going to lie, those first few weeks are nuts, but it feels more like a family...like something was missing before. It feels more whole. Plus, you know that the icky stuff (no sleep, etc) is very temp.! It is scary (I was scared, too) but, in all honesty, I have never been more happy!-Anne
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